The V Party

Photo Credit: Daniel Dionne
Fall is here. Not officially, but let the temperature drop and people break out the flannel shirts and jeans in seconds. Fall also brings the end of a lot of people’s leases which leads to moving trucks blocking one-way streets around the city and the switching over of cable contracts.

One of my lovely roommates recently moved out of our apartment, so we needed to switch our cable over to another account holder. Currently with RCN and shopping around some other providers, I have been spending most of my lunch hours brokering new deals with my sales pals Nick and Tanya at RCN and Comcast. Both are very annoyed by me at this point and I’m aggravated by the hassle of the whole process. I don’t even watch that much TV. I watch Mad Men, The Today Show and documentaries on Netflix, since I don’t get premium channels like HBO. Here I am wasting my lunch breaks for TV. So it got me thinking — what are some TV habits I can pick up? I started ordering True Blood discs from Netflix and am now addicted to V.

My imagination is not suited for a show like True Blood, and that makes me the perfect victim for addiction. In my mind I’ve become some version of Sookie Stackhouse who is now living in Chicago — reading minds all over the city. I’ve become extremely conscious of my exposed neck. What if a vampire is riding the L with me and fangs me unexpectedly? That could happen.

No it could not. However, I walked into my bedroom today to see water all over the floor next to a fallen glass. I instantly felt like I had walked into a crime scene — it clearly must have been a vampire. This is where I remind myself I have been watching hours of a show that blurs the line between a real and fantastical society, but that does not mean that is now my world. The wind blew the glass over.

Regardless, weird things have been happening. I went over to a Labor Day BBQ at my friend’s place. As I finished signing in with the doorwoman she said “I’ll tell you one thing. I have never seen one of them hairless cats. I didn’t even think they were real. He must have to shave them or something, right?” I awkwardly responded, “Oh, what? Oh no, me neither. Yeah, shave them. Wait, what?” “Yeah there is a man with two of them standing by the elevator right now.”

I run over to the elevators. Sure enough, right there was a middle eastern man with two hairless cats on LEASHES. Freaky little leashes! Cats lacking hair! I don’t even like cats WITH hair. These animals were Satan’s pets. Their little blue eyes seemed to glow in the dimly lit elevator lobby. One of them crouched, hissed, and pounced toward me on its leash. The man pulled the lease taught and said, “Oh don’t mind her, she doesn’t know you that well.” Um, you bet she doesn’t “know” me that well, and we won’t be starting a relationship anytime soon.

The elevator doors opened with a ding and the man let me know I should go ahead and take that one. “I don’t know what these cats will do in a small space. You know? We’ll take the next one.” Yeah, you better take the next one.

At this point I’d like you to re-read what you have read so far in a southern accent. You’ll see what I have written reads pretty well like that– another result of watching episode after episode of a show set in Bon Temps, Louisiana.

It’s September 6th, 2010. I am no longer watching True Blood via Netflix because the discs don’t come in the mail fast enough. I am now watching episodes on various websites and am on Season 2 Episode 1. With a craving for chicken and waffles, sweet tea, and a burger and fries from Merlotte’s – I, Caitlin, am addicted to True Blood. If I don’t catch up on these seasons soon, I may be unable to people watch again.

Fangz 4 Eva,

About Caitlin Fitzgibbons

Caitlin is an contributor with a bi-weekly column on people-watching in the city.

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