The Loop Ness Monster


Photo Credit: Mike Willis
The Loop at lunch is pretty much the same every day. It’s mostly people in suits rushing to grab a sandwich, perhaps soup, but most likely a salad. So last week I cross the street to go meet my Dad for lunch. I see a girl on the Northwest corner giving out something for Ziploc. I look at the uniform Ziploc gave her to be on their street team for the day. Could this girl possibly have a college degree and this “job” was disguised as an entry level marketing position? I’m frustrated for her and the job market.

So there’s poor Ziploc girl, handing out free stuff. I love free stuff — who doesn’t right? I should go over there and see what she’s got. Then I think OK, no. She’s giving out one of two things here. It’s either Ziploc bag samples- and why do I need a sample of a plastic bag? Or it’s a coupon for savings on Ziploc bags, which could be nice, but I’ll probably lose it or throw it out – these are the types of conversations I have with myself. It’s a lot of wasted energy.

So I cross the street, and I see another guy giving out something. He looks just like the Ziploc girl, but he’s not, he’s one of those guys trying to save children. Ugh I know, “those guys” right? I must have given him a false sense of interest or perhaps for a brief moment he caught a glimmer of excitement in my eye as I truthfully re-entertained the idea of trying to get a Ziploc bag sample from that girl on the other corner.

I hear “Ma’am, a moment of your time? Ma’am…could I talk to you for a second?…Ma’am?” I panic…ugh I don’t want to talk to you. I know what you’re up to mister. So I speed up and ignore him. Any normal person would stop after being ignored for several minutes. Not this guy. He speeds up too and before I know it I’m being tapped on the shoulder and forced to stop and talk about saving kids and stuff.

Guy: Hello miss looks like you were off to somewhere.

Me: Yes I was, actually meeting my Dad. So sorry I can’t…

Guy: Oh it will only take a second.

Me: Well I…

Guy: There are millions of children that need your help. You’d like to help them right?

Me: I support your efforts to help kids, but I…

Guy: You’ll go to lunch in a second. Now for $22 a month you can feed a child and we’re going to send you a picture of them. Just quickly fill out this form with your credit card information.

I just starting laughing.

Guy: There’s nothing funny about helping kids.

I get awkward. This guy is relentless. I feel like I’m in a Super Mario Bowser Battle.

Me: Oh, no there’s not. I’m sorry I really have to go, but how can I forget this right? I’ll look you guys up online.

Guy: No you should do this now. (puts his hand on my shoulder) You’re standing here with a guy who cares (lifts up sleeve revealing a tattoo of the company’s logo).

Me: Wow that is so…wow. I really have to go.

Moral of the story is, for some reason, weird people are attracted to me. I’m not the only person who thinks so. In a bar setting or even just a life setting this could become a problem – considering the amount of creeps out there, but I’ve got to be honest I rather treasure the moments where a harmless yet equally eccentric individual decides to approach me. Just make sure you keep your eyes peeled so you don’t end up in the same position as me- that guy was a very difficult character to shake.

Keep it realz,
Fitz

About Caitlin Fitzgibbons

Caitlin is an UPchicago.com contributor with a bi-weekly column on people-watching in the city.

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