Club Foot (Bar, Ukrainian Village)
Location: 1824 W. Augusta Blvd.
I never thought I’d have to answer for it, and so publicly. And sure, in interest of saving face I could omit it, quite easily, from this article. But I appreciate honesty, and it makes for better writing. So fine. Here it goes. On my first date at the age of fourteen I wore a t-shirt with a picture of the Taco Bell dog on it.
In my defense, the ad campaign was really popular at the time, and the gentleman with me laughed and complimented me and we “went out” for, like, a full three months, thank you very much. We had a lovely time seeing the sites of the Greenwood, Indiana shopping mall, dining in its food court, and seeing some Katie Holmes horror movie.
What does this have to do with Club Foot? Um, everything, basically. Step into this bar and try not to have vivid flash backs from middle school or elementary school, depending on your age. If a Taco Bell dog key chain, Spice Girls lollipops, or Beauty in the Beast Happy Meal toys don’t strike an emotional chord with you, you have bigger problems than finding a bar in Ukrainian Village. Your problem is that you don’t have a soul.
Club Foot is in a residential area, an out-of-the-way oasis from trendy hipster spots. It is awash in nostalgic and wacky memorabilia. To name a few: Rocky Horror Picture Show buttons, multiple PeeWee Herman dolls, Ernie and Bert plush toys, a boxing nun puppet, a wax bust of President Lincoln (teal colored, by the way), a porcelain Scrubbing Bubbles mascot, a Kevin McAllister doll*, and Braveheart was playing on the TV. The décor was so unique and fun and brought on so many memories from the 80s and 90s, South Park figurines almost seemed an affront to my reminiscing.
The bar had a decent beer selection, along with bottled Wood Chuck Cider, which always makes me happy. The bartender was knowledgeable and friendly, and told me about 15% of the stuff in there was brought in by patrons. He pointed to a pair of Star Wars dolls he said were worth at least $400, but a regular at Club Foot felt the bar needed them more than he did.
The bartender said that the place starts hoppin’ on the weekends, with dancing and general carrying on, and there are lines for the Tetris console and 007 pinball machine. I suggest going first on a week night, when it’s less crowded and you can take a real gander at the goods. Bottoms up, kids. The “Ah, Real Monsters!” figurines mean something totally different a few brews in.
*if you asked, “Who?” the novelty of Club Foot might be lost on you.
This review originally appeared in UPchicago Bar Crawl #3: Ukrainian Village.