5 Kickass… Classic Chicago Commercials

773-202-Beep-Beep-Bloop-Bleep | Watch it

If you don’t know the number for Luna, you definitely didn’t grow up in Chicago. I couldn’t remember my grandma’s phone number, but the moment I decided on new flooring I was ready at the touch of the dial. Nevermind the fact that I was seven years old.

588-2300… Empiiire | Watch it

The Empire Carpet Guy was part of every Chicago family, coming into our homes each night as we gathered round the TV at dinnertime to watch Seinfeld. He rolled out his carpet in living rooms around the country, reminding us that we could see samples in home and have our carpet installed by tomorrow.

Of course, those of us that are lifelong pals with the Empire Guy know that the “Today!” was added in more recent years. Apparently people were taking too long contemplating their flooring purchases. I also remember begging my parents to re-carpet our house so that I could get a Michael Jordan basketball. What a perk!

I’ve got something for you” | Watch it

This is seriously the best — and most bizarre — ad ever made. A grown man dressed in a shoddy eagle costume attempting to sell cheapo car insurance… yes, please. Add a sketchy car salesman and a mustachioed woman named “Freak” in future ads, and you’ve got a recipe for success.

Loud thud on top of car
80’s Chick #1: “What was that?”
80’s Chick #2: “Do you have insurance on this car?”
80’s Chick #1: “No…”
80’s Chick #2: “It must be Eagle Man!”
Eagle Man: “I’ve got something for you!”

I mean, really. Pure brilliance. To top it all off Eagle Man lays an egg.

…and look at those low rates…

Peter Francis Geraci | Watch it

There’s nothing like the monotone sound of attorney Peter Francis Geraci’s voice to convince you to file for bankruptcy. In an act that instantly became a parody of itself, Geraci stares aimlessly through the screen touting his “Info Tapes” on filing Chapters 7 and 13. Is he serious? Or the better question — is he conscious?

Victory Auto Reckers | Watch it

C’mon, don’t lie. You laugh every time you see this dude get hit in the nuts with his unhinged car door. “That old car might be worth money.” But probably not. Extra points for not changing or updating the ad over the course of several decades. A true timeless treasure.

Honorable mentions:

Jackie Berkery

About Jackie Berkery

With a strong phobia of cubicles and those three little words (“nine to five”), I am thrilled to be working on UPchicago from the comforts of my own couch at three o’clock in the morning. I love to write. I love Chicago. Hello, dream job!


  • Cassie
    December 16, 2010 | Permalink | Reply

    Thank you for this. I just relived my entire childhood and had a great laugh. Well done.

  • Jordan
    March 14, 2012 | Permalink | Reply

    I’m trying desperately to find the commercial for the plumber where the plumber says “typical FLAM-shooter!”

    If anyone knows where I can find a video of this online, or even knows what company it was for please let me know!



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