773-202-Beep-Beep-Bloop-Bleep | Watch it

If you don’t know the number for Luna, you definitely didn’t grow up in Chicago. I couldn’t remember my grandma’s phone number, but the moment I decided on new flooring I was ready at the touch of the dial. Nevermind the fact that I was seven years old.

588-2300… Empiiire | Watch it

The Empire Carpet Guy was part of every Chicago family, coming into our homes each night as we gathered round the TV at dinnertime to watch Seinfeld. He rolled out his carpet in living rooms around the country, reminding us that we could see samples in home and have our carpet installed by tomorrow.

Of course, those of us that are lifelong pals with the Empire Guy know that the “Today!” was added in more recent years. Apparently people were taking too long contemplating their flooring purchases. I also remember begging my parents to re-carpet our house so that I could get a Michael Jordan basketball. What a perk!

“I’ve got something for you” | Watch it

This is seriously the best — and most bizarre — ad ever made. A grown man dressed in a shoddy eagle costume attempting to sell cheapo car insurance… yes, please. Add a sketchy car salesman and a mustachioed woman named “Freak” in future ads, and you’ve got a recipe for success.

Loud thud on top of car
80′s Chick #1: “What was that?”
80′s Chick #2: “Do you have insurance on this car?”
80′s Chick #1: “No…”
80′s Chick #2: “It must be Eagle Man!”
Eagle Man: “I’ve got something for you!”

I mean, really. Pure brilliance. To top it all off Eagle Man lays an egg.

…and look at those low rates…

Peter Francis Geraci | Watch it

There’s nothing like the monotone sound of attorney Peter Francis Geraci’s voice to convince you to file for bankruptcy. In an act that instantly became a parody of itself, Geraci stares aimlessly through the screen touting his “Info Tapes” on filing Chapters 7 and 13. Is he serious? Or the better question — is he conscious?

Victory Auto Reckers | Watch it

C’mon, don’t lie. You laugh every time you see this dude get hit in the nuts with his unhinged car door. “That old car might be worth money.” But probably not. Extra points for not changing or updating the ad over the course of several decades. A true timeless treasure.

Honorable mentions:

• Tile Outlet. Because we’ll never forget that you’re located just three blocks west of the Kennedy Expressway.
• Walter E. Smithe. We dream it. You build it. Because that’s the definition of custom furniture.
• Chicago Bears Superbowl Coke Commercial Made the list simply because of the best one-liner of all time at the end of the ad.